Hardworking 27-year-old daughter expected to fund brother's education after she lands well-paying corporate job, she refuses due to a childhood full of neglect: "My family always called me ungrateful"

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    AITA for refusing to help pay for my little brother's tuition after years of being excluded from gifts and holidays?

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    So, I (22F) come from a family that always called me ungrateful, not because I was but because I was always a loudmouth and pointed out odd things when I noticed them, like how every Christmas,
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    birthday etc my siblings would get gifts like the toys they always wanted, new clothes, and all I got was either a card or a promise to buy me anything when we went out (spoiler, never happened), naturally this messed me up bad, I was always trying to change to
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    please my parents, I tried being quiet and not needing their help, but by that point I was already the family's black sheep, the one that my mom would call out during big family events disguising it as jokes, the difficult one
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    Long story short, I got a part time job at 16, then worked my a off and I finally landed a pretty decent corporate job last year, it's not exactly life changing money but it's enough for me to have
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    moved out, and now I live in a shared apartment with two other girls, I save up ofc but I live comfortably, enough to make small trips and take nice pictures at some restaurants, I've never blocked my family but I also don't engage with them
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    So it came as a surprise when my mom called me two weeks ago to check on me according to her, she made questions like how's work and how my posts always made her think of when I was a little girl and smiled a lot, c y emotional tactics that I grew up
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    with lol she started mentioning how nice it was to be so young, make money and not have that many responsibilities, or expenses, I corrected her that I had rent, and to buy groceries, she dismissed those, and then the topic steered to my younger brother, he got a few acceptance letters and apparently he threw a tantrum about needing to attend one where
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    all his friends are going (yes, it's like too expensive, I searched it up and holy c_ _), so my mom started mentioning my brother and I growing up and how we used to be so close honestly that day I was exhausted, so I told my mom it was nice hearing from her and that I was happy for my brother, but that I wasn't in a place to help with his tuition
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    This woman was actually stunned, she said I could think about it, because family is family and all that stuff, we said our goodbyes, and I slept thinking about it, so I woke up the next day, and drafted a message that was polite but clear, about how I was never treated fairly and how I was not bitter but I
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    wasn't in a financial spot to help with those expenses - yeah, the guilt tripping started immediately, messages, not even kidding 14 missed calls from my mom, even my dad called and he's a pretty stoic man, my brother started whining on social media about ungrateful family members and how some people are bitter and end up alone
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    I feel like I'm in the right, but honestly my parents have involved aunts, cousins, family friends, and all the texts and posts are starting to get to me a little bit, maybe I am being too harsh, my brother has
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    always been spoiled but it's not like he kicked me out or made me feel worse, still, I don't feel like giving up my lifestyle to help someone who called me a 'bitter b' on his latest Instagram rant, so I need help, am I in the wrong?
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    Debbie0357 Stop being the rug they wipe their feet on and get on with your life. You know your worth don't let them gaslight you like that!! Be brave and put yourself through college first and ask your "parents" for money for you!!! I bet you won't get a dime from "family", he is not your child! Do not be the door mat any longer tell your relatives to fund his college needs since "we are family".
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    Sooji Halva Legit good advice. You are 22, you have a good job now, but you might want to go to college in the future and no one else is going to pay for you.
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    Don't even feel bad about it, because you are giving your brother an education - your teaching him about reasonable financial expectations, personal responsibility, interpersonal interactions (like not expecting money from someone you are
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    being blatantly disrespectful to). He's not going to like it, he might not even learn it, but not behaving like an a pretty valuable life lesson. Might even be a more valuable attribute at the end of the day than a college education.
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    Busy-Persimmon-748 OPs already helped her parents/brother - they should have saved lots through never getting her anything.
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    kissngme Right but OP NTA. you don't owe your brother tuition money after years of being treated unfairly. His behavior and your family's pressure don't change that. Protect your own well-being
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    EDUCATION
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    Interesting-Long-534 Also, gather all of the names of people pressuring you to "help." Then start a group text with all of them. Tell your brother and parents all of these relatives and friends have volunteered to help with
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    brother's expenses. Then block every one of them, at least for the foreseeable future. Live your best life. If your company pays towards college classes or another type of training, please take advantage of it. The more you know, the more marketable you are.
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    Sad-Country-9873 As each family member messages you, ask them how much they are contributing? Each message, respond, thanks. I appreciate it and I will let mom know you volunteered some funds for him. Send it back with mom included.
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    GameLootHunter Funny how quick people go quiet when it's their money on the line instead of yours do this. If they care so much, they can pitch in too
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    Organic-Willow2835 Mute them all. Just because they are texting and calling doesn't mean you need to accept their calls. For your aunts and uncles simply respond once with:
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    "I am not in any financial position to help anyone. But, I'm so glad you are interested in helping my brother with his tuition. Please reach out to my Mom to let her know you will be VENMOing her your contribution. I for one am going to focus on paying for my rent and groceries and pay for my own expenses since no one has ever given me a dime to assist with my education or starting out in life."

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